Painful Memories
by kurosaki9
Summary: Two oneshots that can be on par with each other. They both reflect on one's point of view. There are moments in which many people get hurt. Everyone has them yes, but all are different from everyone elses. What might Akihito’s/Asami's pain be?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Painful Memories

Pairing: Asami/Akihito

Credit goes to Yamane-Sensei due to the fact that they belong to her.

Warning: 18+ for Violence, Angst

Summary: There are moments in which many people get hurt. Everyone has them yes, but all are different from everyone elses. What might Akihito's pain be?

Pain is something that many try to coupe with. Pain gives us the feeling of being alive or so they say. But why do we need this? All it does is hurt us. It makes us act and think irrationally because of what we feel at the moment. We never think of the consequences that our acts of pain will lead to. My pain is something that some people might have in this world. It isn't a pain that people do not know. It is the pain and longing for someone. The pain I feel can also be confused with love. Love? Yes, what a nice but hurtful word.

I remember walking home from a shoot that I had last minute. It was a very tiring day and many things had gone wrong. It made me angry that today seemed to be a day where nothing would get done. Well, after struggling I managed to get home. I had walked to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed. I didn't want anything or anyone to bother me in my little time of peace. That was short lived. There was a ring to the door and I growled in frustration. I walked towards the door and opened it. Asami had appeared at my doorstep for what seemed to be the millionth time. I knew what he needed but why did he always come when he wanted me? Why wasn't it the other way around?

I remember that he led me to the bedroom and that we fell back. I was tired but I have to admit that I began to feel excited with him. He took me many times, too much for me to make count of. I remember that I had screamed and whimpered and moaned like a person who loved to be taken. I sounded like a whore. It pained me to view myself like that. A whore… It ripped so deep through me. It went deep to my core and it was taken. My freedom was taken by this man. He says that he loves me and that he wants me for him and him only. Can I really trust him? I feel like I'm only a tool, a toy that will be discarded soon.

There was another time where I was hauled off to his office. I had heard that someone had betrayed him and I knew how he would deal with this hurt. He would deal with it by violating my body. At this point, I seemed to know my purpose. He had grabbed me and slammed me onto his desk. He had taken me and I had screamed, again as his whore. Funny thing was that I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because my sexual desires kicked in. But now that I see it from afar, it was something that could have been prevented.

It's been two days since I last saw him. I panicked all of the first day, thinking that my 'master' had abandoned me. Then I had calmed down considerably. I had begun to think clearly for once in these past 2 years. I had finally seen that this man had changed me from the person I was back then. I had been trained to be slutty. I was trained to perform for his needs. For his entertainment. Now that I feel and see a way out, I hesitate. Can I leave him? Will I be able to be happy? Will he hurt me if I leave? What would become of me if I am ever found? Should I stay with him? Should I leave?

I have spent about an hour trying to make a decision. I have made my resolve. I will leave from this place. If he tries to come for me, I will go with him on one condition. If he comes for me in order to lock me up and show the world what I am, a whore, a toy, I will not come. If he comes for me with a different approach. Coming to me to keep me with him, I might come. But that is for him to decide. He will have to make his decision. I am sick of being treated as a rag.

I pack my things and head off in search of a place to go. I have yet to think of a plan, or rather I have yet to conduct a plan for my escape. All I'm doing is on a whim. I don't know if I will succeed but rest assured that I will escape. I will seek my freedom whether it is given to me or not.

It's been a week now. I've managed to leave Tokyo and head over to Okinawa. This place seems so peaceful. I laughed at my weak notion to stay in Tokyo. I was scared to leave because of the fact that I didn't know what Asami would do to me. I thought about all the consequences that would have happened if and when he found out. But why would I hold myself back on a simple idea that I think will happen? I didn't know if it will come true or not. What's best? Wasting my time there in order to see if Asami will be so kind to give me my freedom or snatch it when I have the chance?

I had many call me today. Many asked the same questions that the others gave me. Where are you? Why did you leave us? Why aren't you here? Who is Asami? Why are you with Asami Ryuuichi, Akihito? All these questions were all questions I wanted to answer but I couldn't. I got fed up with these conflicting emotions and questions. I threw my cell phone in the river near the park. I felt so at ease once I didn't have a cell phone. I was free, I suppose, but the freedom now is nothing compared to the freedom that I want to obtain. It isn't and it's not even close to it.

It's been two weeks now and still no sign of Asami. I'm happy that he hasn't found me yet, but there is something deep down that pains me that he still hasn't shown up to come for me. It's sad. I have spent my whole day today not doing pretty much anything. I have sat on my bed for the past 5 hours thinking to get up but I never do. I feel broken, as if something has left me. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I hear the doorbell ring and I wonder if the neighbor made me food again. That old lady is so nice. I open the door and I don't know what to do.

Standing right before me is the man that I have been thinking about ever since I left Tokyo. This man is the one who keeps my freedom away from me. This man is the man I have come to hate but as well love. Love? That word. That small, insignificant word makes my heart beat faster and faster. He looks at me with hurt and anger and what is this? Fear? I see fear in those cold eyes. Please don't look at me with those fearful eyes. They hurt me. It pains me to see you this way. You aren't supposed to feel! You're supposed to be cold! I want you to hate me! Detest me! Not love me.

He makes his way into my apartment after shoving me to the side. I look at him for a bit and then I turn my gaze to the window. Oh, how I would enjoy to leap from there and come out alive. But if I do, wouldn't that be called running away? Have all I've been doing was running away? I haven't looked at my problem in the face. He is my problem and I need to find out why? Those cold eyes still hold that fear I hate so much. It doesn't look like my Asami. He looks weak. Breakable. Disposable. "Akihito." That velvet voice makes me break. I fall to the floor and sob. I can't take this anymore. Why won't you leave me alone? Hate me, please! I want you to live without me.

I feel warmth surround me. It's soothing but it is also very painful. I push him away and try to head towards the kitchen. I'm grabbed by the back and I tumble forward, him coming down with me. I scream and yell in protest. I want someone to hear me. I want someone to take him away from me. He deserves to have someone he loves, not a toy. Not a whore. Why won't he leave? I continue to scream but he takes my lips onto his own. I feel him intruding my mouth and I want to fight back, but I can't bring myself to do it. I will give him what he wants, today but that is all. I will leave once he is finished with me.

We fall onto the bed and he strips me of my clothes as he does the same to his own. I feel him tie me to the bed, when doesn't he do that? He kisses me and then leaves me. I look up in question and I can still see those sad eyes. I look away from him. "Akihito, look at me." How can I look at you? What makes you think I can? I'm the one who has made you suffer to this point. Many say I'm your weakness and they may be right, Get rid of me, you fool!

My head is snatched to the right and I look at angry eyes. Yes, these eyes suit you, Asami. These are the eyes you must keep on. I look at him intently. I wait for him to say something but he doesn't. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity he asks, "Why'd you leave?" I look into those eyes. They hold concern, yet they look cold. I'm happy with those eyes even if they pain me. Without pain, I can't tell if I'm here or not. "I want freedom."

The bed dips harshly and I bounce up as he bounces to hover over me. "No, you can't have your freedom! You're mine, Takaba! I hold your freedom!" He takes my lips again but this time they feel different. They feel desperate. Am I scared? It's a funny question. Yes, I am scared. This man never goes beyond the cold face and his casual mocking smirks. He's showing so many emotions and I can't tell what's real and what's fake. He flips me and he takes me.

I scream and moan out his name. His name is uttered by my voice in a way that sounds like a chant. Every time he hits me, I see white. I moan since I can't withstand the pain. Is it pain or is it pleasure? I can't tell anymore. He keeps murmuring things, incoherent words that can never reach my ear. After the last thrust, he and I escalate to our climax. I see his eyes close and I feel him filling me. He begins to pant as I try to catch my breath. He looks down and opens his eyes. I am frozen to the spot and I feel like something has been taken away from me.

This man before me looks so broken. He isn't the Asami I know. I try to push him off but all that does is make him hold me closer. He holds me closer as if I were to slip away. He then says something that I would never believe to hear. "Don't leave me. I love you. Please stay with me. I need you." I can't hold back the tears anymore. Are they tears of sorrow or are they tears of happiness? He takes my lips again and says, "I need you with me. They say you are my weakness but they fail to remember that you are also my strength. Come back, Akihito. Come back." I feel my heart begin to pound wildly now and I know what this is. It's love. Love, that small word can mean anything. But if it comes from this man, it means everything. I hug him back and say, "Yes, I'll come back."

Pain is something that many deal with. Either if it's to prove something or to gain and protect something. Whatever the reason you have, you hold onto it with your life. This pain I have locked away is something I decided to live with. I have kept it in for so long for the sake of one person. Asami… That beautiful name. This pain I have will be what keeps me to you. Till death do us part, my love.

The End

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Yes, yes. This is a oneshot. Don't know what came on for this shot to be written but I have been thinking so much lately. Problems with school, family, friends, acquaintances. But for whatever reason this shot came about, is beyond me. I feel that this has helped me deal with everything I am going through right now. I feel lighter now than before. I hope you enjoyed this shot and trust me, this hit harder to me than others have.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Painful Memories II

Pairing: Asami/Akihito

Credit goes to Yamane-Sensei due to the fact that the characters belong to her.

Warning: 18+ for Violence and Angst

Summary: There are moments in which many people get hurt. Everyone has them yes, but all are different from everyone elses. What might Asami's pain be?

A/N: Well, if many of you remember, I wrote one similar to this called Painful Memories. That was in Akihito's point of view. So, I was reading my comments today and then saw that many people liked the other one, and then someone brought up a good question. What was Asami doing while he found out that Akihito had left him? Let see….

Love is a beautiful word that many often share to others to show their affection and devotion towards one another. Love is also that feeling you get when you only think about that certain person. Love is also a poison. It consumes your entire being and makes you act, that which is according to your feelings. Love… That beautiful but deadly word.

I remember going into the office. Same routine as every other night, it seems. I walked passed my bodyguards and went straight into the office. There I saw Kirishima with this whore. I figured the whore had some business with me. When don't these filthy creatures ever need help? I dismissed Kirishima, since he was getting on my nerves.

We sat down and the whore began to talk. Her name was Lucile, I think, but she isn't so important to me. She talked about how a man of mine had treated her badly. I smirked inwardly while I imagined how I treated my pet. Those slim legs, that sweet voice, that flushed skin…. All that made my Akihito.

'_Asami-sama, are you listening to me?'_

She seemed far way but I otherwise turned to her. What else could I do? It was my job to 'play' the good businessman. She seemed enraged that I wasn't listening to her; not that it bothered me. Nothing ever bothered me.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I asked. Her face contorted in so much anger. It fueled my entertainment. "I want you to tell them to treat me better!" I stubbed out the cigarette I didn't know I had. It seemed that I was doing that lately, more than usual. "Tell me Lucile-san, what do you do for a living?" This seemed to get her full attention.

"I work as… a provider." "A provider, huh? Don't you mean you're a whore?" She seemed baffled about my actions, but it didn't matter to me. "And what do you think whores like you do? You give people relief. That's all your worth for. Nothing more, nothing less."

She looked as if she were going to spill some tears when she left my office. It's no use trying to hide the truth. There will always be someone who will bring it out into the light. It was just a matter of time till she found someone who would put her into her place.

I called for my car. I saw Renji come out of the car and I slipped into the car. I didn't really need to tell him were I wanted to go. It was a waste of my time if he didn't figure it out. I wanted to go see my pet. _Akihito…._

I arrived at Akihito's place and I told Renji that I'll see him tomorrow. Seeing as the car made it's way off, I began to walk towards the apartments. I never once really understood why Akihito liked to live here. I offered him to come and live with me, but for some reason, he always refused my offer. Why was he so stubborn in living here?

I finally made it up to his floor. It seemed very quiet for 11pm. There were usually men with their whores here but today seemed off. It made me uncomfortable. Making my way to Akihito's door, I thought I spotted something but when I turned my full attention to it, there was nothing there. Shrugging, I rang the doorbell. I could hear my pet's frustrated growls coming from the other side of the door. Just like Takaba.

I saw his beautiful face, but it seemed sad. I hated seeing him like that. He should never look like that. My fighter… What's wrong with him?

I led him into his small bedroom, and pushed him onto the bed. I stripped him of all his clothes and I began to devour him. His horny body only belongs to me and I wouldn't change that. I claimed this price as my own. He looked tired at first, but in just pushing some buttons, he began writhing and moaning under me. He felt excited and i too felt excited.

He screamed and moaned for me, like he always does. I can only do this to you, Akihito, no one else. But I ask myself this; have I taken his freedom in order to keep him chained to me forever? Or was it because I feared of losing him? I took him the whole night; not as my whore, but as my lover. The only one deserving of that title.

I woke up later that night. It was 2am. It was time to go to work. It saddened me to leave my boy all alone but this will be a small parting. I have business for two days and I would bring him with me, if it weren't for those bastards that have kept an eye out for him. I kiss him goodbye and soon leave, not knowing what will wait once I return.

2 days have passed, and I had returned to Japan. I wanted to go meet my kitten but I had some work that I had to finish that had piled up in my absence. Work is usually the only thing that prevents me from going to him when I want to. Why can't I ignore my duty as a businessman? Discard that for a day and be with him?

After finishing up, I call up Renji to get the car. Akihito has waited too long and I won't let him wait any longer. As I smoke my cigarette, I begin to recall all the past 'lovers' I had had in the past. I see it now and I still think the way I did 2 years ago. They were just whores to pass the time. Fuck toys that weren't worth anything but a good fuck once in a while. But by meeting Akihito…. That had changed the way I viewed things.

I merely took him for a one night pleasure. A one time deal, but I never realized that in tasting the great fruit, you are then tempted to try it more. I laugh, remembering the Adam and Eve story. Was the apple that good in order to succumb to temptation? I don't really understand that but if Akihito was that fruit, I would agree that the temptation was worth while.

I never really planned on falling this hard for him. I always did try to leave him. But what was my reasons for this again? Was it because I was to afraid at looking at our relationship more than just a game? Was I afraid that I would hurt the boy? Or was I scared of hurting him if he were to stay by my side, due to work or by business misunderstandings?

I felt the car stop, and I quickly got out of the car. Yet once I stepped foot outside, it felt cold. Lonely. As if something that should be here, was missing. I quickly climbed the stairs to get to where he was. I knocked on the door forcefully. There was no answer. I began to panic a bit, but I would never show it evident on my face. An old lady came out. I assumed it was Akihito's manager.

"Are you looking for Takaba-san? If you are, he left early today. He seemed sad, but he told me that he was ok." I looked at her and then told her my thanks. I left the apartment, towards my car. Renji looked at me, puzzled, but I was in no mood to tell him what had happened. I slid into the car and the car went off. I grabbed a glass and poured some bourbon to calm my nerves. I was so angry at my stupidity. How could I be so stupid and leave him all by himself?! I threw the glass towards the front, letting it hit on the passengers' side window. Renji had stopped and turned towards me. "Sir?" _Akihito…. why?_

It had been a week after I got back and there was still no sign of Akihito. I kept barking out orders to my men. I wanted him found immediately. I was losing my control! I needed him by my side! Wait…. Why am I fusing over one boy? I could go and replace him. That's what my conscience told me, but I didn't want to get another boy. I wanted _**him**_. He's the only one I want. I looked up to my ceiling, not caring if others could see me. "Akihito… come back…"

It's been two weeks since Akihito left, and there was still no sign of him. My patience was already gone. I had exploded on my men and told them that I would kill them if they didn't have any good news for me. The door suddenly swung wide open, and I saw Kirishima come in. He looked awfully excited.

"Sir, we found Takaba!" My eyes grew a bit open but not much for him to see my relief. "Where is he?" "He's in Okinawa." I grabbed my keys and ordered them to prepare me a car. I was going to get him back.

I arrived at Akihito's new home. It seemed a bit bigger than the last one but I knew that he would be here. It seemed peaceful here. My men had asked me if I was alright. It kept annoying me that they wouldn't shut up. Did I look that bad? I told them to leave me alone, and they did.

I climbed up the stairs and saw this old lady looking at me. She didn't seem intimidated by my presence. She walked towards me and asked, "Are you here to see Takaba-san?"

I said a small yes and she told me, "I'm glad you're here. That boy's been so sad. I welcomed him here and he always held a smile while talking to me, but I could tell that the smile was forced. He looks so lonely. I think he's been waiting for you. I won't hold you any longer. His room's the last on the left."

I told her a quick thank you and walked towards my destination. I rang the doorbell and waited for Akihito to open it. I begin to feel anger and I also feel hurt since he had left my side. I told him never to leave my side! But why is that? I fear… Yes, I fear losing my precious gem.

I see the door open and I see his face look shocked. He doesn't look happy to see me but that doesn't really matter. I see that he's ok. I shove him inside. I don't want people to see me all weak. I've made my reputation to be a feared one and he manages to make it all crumble away.

I turn around and see him looking at the window. Is he planning to jump? But won't that go against his beliefs? Is he planning to run away from me again? "Akihito…" I call out. I see tears spill from his eyes. He falls to his knees and begins to sob. IT hurts me to see him cry. Did I make him cry? I can't stop myself and once I know it, I wrap my arms around his shivering body.

I feel him tense and I feel pushed aside. I see him run towards the kitchen and I go after him. I grabbed him and we fell to the floor. He begins to scream and yell, as if he wants someone to come and take me away. Why? Why are you trying to keep me away? I…..

I take his lips in order to make him calm down. I feel him struggle beneath me but that soon subsides. It's as if he had given up on fighting.

I push him down onto the bed, stripping him of his clothes, as well as mine. They will only be in the way. I tie him to the bed. I want to know that he's here and I don't want him to run away. I feather him with kisses. I continue and I look up only to see him. He looks at me too but he quickly looks away. "Akihito… look at me…" I begin to feel anger rising in me. Is he ignoring me now? Even as I searched high and low for him?

I snatch his face to the left and I see his panicking eyes. I see those eyes quickly turn soft once again. I just stop to admire him, the silence engulfing the air for a long time. I finally got tired of the silence and I asked, "Why'd you leave?" I want to know the truth. It begins to hurt inside. God, I feel like a little child that has had its heart taken out. He looks up to me and parts his beautiful lips.

"_I want freedom."_

I feel myself break and I quickly bounce on top of him. I see the surprise in his eyes and I quickly tell him what I feel. "No, you can't have your freedom! You're mine, Takaba! I hold your freedom!" I take his lips then, desperately. I need him. I need him so much. It was driving me insane when I didn't have him with me. I lose my control and I flip him over and take him.

I hear him moan my name. I can tell that he's enjoying it. I want him to enjoy it. I begin to thrust in a little deeper, hitting his sweet spot. I see his face form into a silent scream as I hit him there. It's as if he were seeing white. I feel our climax coming fast and he and I come together. I close my eyes and I begin to pant. Is this over now? Will he leave me?

I open my eyes at him and I see him looking at me intently. I feel his hands try to push me away but I don't want to let him go. I want him to stay with me. Every time he pushes me, I hold him closer. I feel him shake and I lean my head forward to his ear. "Don't leave me. I love you. Please stay with me. I need you."

I feel him begin to cry once I said that. Is he crying from sorrow or from joy? I take his lips again in order to calm him down. "I need you with me. They say you are my weakness but they fail to remember that you are also my strength. Come back, Akihito. Come back." I feel him hug me closely and he sighs.

"_Yes, I'll come back."_

Love is that one thing many people try to obtain within their own power. Love is also that sweet, addicting poison that no one can seem to extinguish. It may bring you pain and it hurts you more to love than to hate but it can also make you feel at ease. It can help you in those times that you need it the most. I always tried to keep these feelings locked deep away inside me but they managed to escape through a small little crack. That small little crack Akihito managed to make in my cold heart. Akihito… that beautiful, angelic name. This pain will keep me linked to him. Till death do us part, my love.

The End

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Another oneshot, yes. I wanted to give you guys what Asami might have felt when Akihito left. I give thanks to the person who asked that good question. I hope this answers some questions and I hope you all enjoyed.


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